Having pday on Wednesday and then again today just made the whole week so fast. But the weeks here just go faster and faster. It's a little bit of panic mode but I try not to think about that.
Sister Walton and I had a breakdown on Friday. There are three sets of missionaries in our branch and it feels like we always seem to pull the short straw. We are SO happy that the other missionaries are having success in so many ways, but sometimes, it bruises my heart. Can't we see all the same miracles too? Can't we please just find people to teach?? Couldn't the Lord just transplant a trailer park from Moses Lake over to our area so we'd at least meet hispanics? We work hard, we try our best. I pray earnestly everyday that we will do our best and do what the Lord wants and sometimes we just come up empty handed in terms of numbers. So we just knelt down the other night and cried and prayed together. Then the next morning in my personal study I opened up in Mosiah and read King Benjamin's address and my heart was healed and filled with the spirit.
I realized that I am not on a mission to receive the "reward" of lots of investigators or baptisms. I am not here to receive any reward at all, though it's certain I'll board the plane with my pockets overflowing with blessings. And maybe initially I did come for those reasons. I wanted to improve my Spanish, I wanted to know my scriptures better. But over time, the reason I'm on a mission has truly become because I love my Heavenly King and I want to serve him. He has given me everything in this life. How sweet and remarkable and miraculous that I have a faithful, eternal family! And how wonderful that I have the Book of Mormon to turn to and find instant peace. And how glorious that I will forever be blessed by the priesthood and this truly restored Gospel. The reward is the Celestial kingdom with my Heavenly Father and my family. That is the reward that I'm working toward. And so I'm here to serve. Serve and serve and serve and be obedient and faithful. And I can't expect anything. I have already been blessed so much. I know miracles will always happen because this is the work of the Almighty God. But, if my mission isn't filled with the success I imagined for myself, it's not to say that God doesn't love me or trust me. He does. He loves me a lot. And He knows far better than I do that the stretching and growing I've done in the last year and half has been exactly what I need so that I can return to live with Him.
And President Condon continues to assure me (me personally!) that I will find a family. A prepared, happy family that we can teach and baptize and take to the temple. And I have the faith to see that. I will work and serve with every effort to bring people to Christ. That is why I'm here.
Juan (who wants us to call him Miguel now) and Ramon are doing great. Keep them in your prayers! And keep the Colombians in your prayers too! A few families have been popping up from Colombia and we want their hearts to be soft! There really is a lot of potential coming out of the woodwork. The Lord does bless the missionaries. He always looks out for us. I'm grateful for that.
The Book of Mormon is true! I hope you are all reading it. It is the most beautiful, most inpsired book I've ever read. I love it. I love my Savior! May the Lord bless your soul!